Colin Farrell's Blurty

Subject:	So yeah,
Time:	12:47 am.

I said Angelina Jolie was fucking hot, what is it to you?

No, I'm just kidding. Really? No, wait, I don't know.

Anyway. Tombraider was alright, I have to give Angelina props for that. Excellant film...hot as fuck star of the film...nice scenes. What I wouldn't give to have her kiss me, oh yeah.

Daredevil comes out Tuesday. How about you all be nice little lads and pick up a copy, or two, or three?

Not that it's any hair off me back, but sure.

Hey, Scott, update your fucking journal. Yeah, I'm watching you man. Don't slack off. Don't be a wanker. DON'T BE A FUCKING MORON YOU FUCK.

I think that successfully gets me point across.

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Subject:	I don't quite know what to say.
Time:	7:28 pm.

I've changed a lot lately, and it seems, I've enjoyed the change in meself far more then I ever expected.

For one, I gave up my place in Los Angeles. Just said fuck it. I'm back to residing in Castleknock, my home, and I couldn't be happier, quite frankly.

Of couse, I'm leaving towards the end of the week for more research for Alexander, but the point is, I am bloody home.

I've never felt better.

So, since the bells are ringing, and I'm pretty sure the phone ringing is me Ma asking me to come over for dinner, I refuse to be a moronic ass and miss out on a good old Irish dinner.

Bye my lads, have fun.

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Subject:	Very well.
Time:	5:33 pm.

I'm sitting here trying to figure out what the fuck would I have to update about?

Honestly, though. It's not like I've been very fucking busy lately. I've been with me family, or I've been in meetings for the filming of Alexander coming up. So in that aspect, really, what interest would you guys want to know about that?

I haven't even talked to anyone on here, really. Haven't had the time. Maybe it's that or I just said to hell with everything, I don't feel like it.

I do believe this is an asshole entry, right? Fantastic. I've gone through many smokes today, so I'm very relaxed and just sitting here and looking at this entry and going, What the fuck am I writing about? I have a Guinness too. Good shit.

Maybe I'll make an appearance later, talk to some of you on here, maybe I won't. It is Saturday night after all, and I haven't gotten laid in a bit and I could always use some good sex.

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Subject:	Lifes bloody good.
Time:	12:37 pm.

-lights cigarette-

You know lifes good when you can live in a city you don't give two fucking shits about, drink all the fucking beer you want, fuck all the girls you want and be so fucking public about it, and you still get kids coming up to you saying you are a God and wanting to jump into bed with you.

Well bring it the fuck on!

I might not want to live in LA forever, but fuck if it isn't very good right now.

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Subject:	Ma
Time:	6:04 pm.

She knows everything.

I had a long talk with her today, told her what shit I had been in lately, and what's been going on. After kicking me firmly across the ass, and saying what an asshole I've been, which I agree with, that I should face up and be a man.

I told her I didn't know what the fuck to do, and that's the truth, because if I fucking knew, would I be in this fucking position?

Then I talked to one of my sisters, and you know, she's right. I'm just taking everything that's happened - and shelving it.

What's happened as happened, what happens in the future is up in the air, but I don't want to make any promises right now, especially promises that I can't keep, which is probably every fucking one.

I just need ... to be free for awhile. I just need to be ... me.

Well, that was certainly dramatic.

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Subject:	8 so far.
Time:	1:52 pm.

I've had 8 drinks so far. Don't even know what I'm drinking.

Fuck everyone. Fuck everything. I'm a bloody mess up and I can't do anything fucking right.

I'm just a lad who has his head up his ass, yeah, sure. What the fuck ever.

So many bloody excuses and fucking lies.

I just don't fucking care anymore. Fuck it all.

And if I get one bloody comment that this is because I'm drunk - fuck you. I'm not drunk, I know exactly what the fuck I'm saying, thank you.

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Subject:	sighs
Time:	1:55 pm.

This...is fucking shit.

I've become so fucking wrapped in my own personal drama that I don't know which way is fucking up. This way? That way? No matter which way I turn, I hurt someone.

I knew what was going to happen with Katie. I could have predicted that shit when I asked her out. I knew I was going to end up hurting her. Now we talk...never. I really killed a great friendship, I know it. It's just...I can't help it. She's an amazing person, and I love her to pieces...I just can't find that connection. That connection I crave so much.

Ali came and left for a bit. Things were said, done...I'm so grateful I have friends. I'm so grateful I have her. Honestly, let me tell you Ali, without yer friendship these past few years, I'd probably be even more fucked up then I am now. Just...for everything you've done in the past few weeks, for being there...thank you.

Paul...you know, I won't even start. But let me tell you something first, you fucking hurt her, I hurt you. And that's not a threat, that's a fucking promise. You know who I'm talking about.

Um, Ste...just, just thanks.

Hopefully, I'm a little less fucked up right now. I've gone through so many bloody emotions lately. The first few days after I wanted nothing more then to just call up Katie and say, "I was wrong, come back." But I can't fucking do that, and even if suddenly, I felt what she felt, I don't think I'd still do that. My pride and ego would get in the bloody way.

I want her back, but I can't cause more pain. And I don't know if I want her back because I miss someone here beside me, or because it's her.

*hangs head* I just don't know.

I don't even know who to talk to about this either.

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Subject:	Something that I need to say.
Time:	6:51 pm.

I've been through...stuff lately.

And I've never been one to fuckin complain or pull a fucking pity trip on myself, it's not like that.

But I need to find closure in something. I need to find what the fuck is going on in a certain area of my life, that the person who it involves, knows exactly whats going on and just...it needs to end.

But I have never been a lying man. When I am wrong, I say I am.

And so, I apologize. You know who you are, there is no need to reveal your name. I apologize for hanging up on you, and saying what I did. I never meant to be rude, you know that's not the kind of lad I am. Um, no matter what happens, I want us to always remain friends, because above all, your friendship means more to me then anything that could happen between us. Friends first. That's the promise we made on set...I'm sticking to it.

And I have no right to be involved in your business. Who you are with, and what you do is your own thing, and I shouldn't have acted really like a fucking spoiled kid about it.

I'm sorry.

Just know, I only want you to be happy.

Since my words cannot express what I feel like saying, I thought this might. And I swear I'll fucking blame it on my sister that I was listening to this.

I feel it says what I need it to say about what's gone on the past week or so with us. From that night that...I said what I needed to, and you said what you needed to, until now.

( for you )

Please...just take this as it is. Don't blow it up. If you need to...just ask. I promise I won't hang up.

And to someone else, that I hurt recently. I only want you happy as well. It was nothing you did Katie, it was nothing you said, I love you just the way you are...I just can't be the person you need right now. I wouldn't feel right about that, but you are beautiful, and ... don't change. Maybe one day, I'll be that guy.

And let me click update before I feel like even more of a fuckin' pansy. I've said my piece, and that's all there is to it.

*reaches over, clicking 'update.' settles back, watching the post update and thinks about what's happened.*

"I hope everything's understood the way it's fucking supposed to be. I bloody hope."

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Subject:	Katie.
Time:	10:08 pm.

My name is Colin Farrell, I am the type of guy who is incapable of love and cannot be with one person for very long, unless they're suddenly the one. I've never met 'the one' and I'm quite certain they do not exsist.

I am Colin Farrell, you do not take me home to mother.

Katie and I are over.

I told her that I cheated on her.

It was just a few kisses, but it's still cheating. Those weren't friendly kisses, believe me.

What happened after that I won't say, I'm not going to blast her in my journal, that's not cool. She slapped me though, although I probably did deserve it.

*sighs* Oh fucking well. I knew it was coming up.

Why?

Because I'm Colin Farrell. I am the type of guy who is incapable of love and cannot be with one person for very long, unless they're suddenly the one. I've never met 'the one' and I'm quite certain they do not exsist.

I am Colin Farrell, you do not take me home to mother.

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Subject:	Ste fucking McNally
Time:	10:54 pm.
Mood:	amused.

Ste fucking McNally is a fucking poser. No wait, what did he say I said he was...

McNally Mate: Where did this conversation even start? What makes you think I'm a fucking pansy.

I didn't say you were, but now that I think about it, yes, you are a fucking pansy who doesn't know sheep from girls. What did you fuck last night out in the woods? A girl or sheep?

I leave for Toronto in a bit. Working on a new film. Wish me luck.

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Subject:	Last night.
Time:	10:27 pm.

I sat and I thought, I really fucking thought.

And I think I know where I stand, at least myself, personally.

When Katie gets on ... no, I won't say anything, I don't want to give anything away.

I um, well, we went out last night. Went to Spago since that was the only place we could think of and we both ordered pasta - I'm glad I'm not Italian, it doesn't compare to Irish food. Especially beer.

I have to admit, Katie was getting a little animalistic and I was surely not about to turn her down, goddamn I liked the moving-first side of her, but then the damn fucking flash went off and someone got it on fucking tape. That was a fucking private moment you fucking moron. Dumb fuck. I don't go to where you are eating dinner and tape your fucking meal or take pictures of you fucking kissing your girlfriend. Why the fuck do you feel the need to interrupt mine?

So Katie and I left and you bet I flipped that fuck the bird. I should have done more. The night was pretty much at that, just what happened...but hopefully, what I'm about to do will make it all up.

God I'm scared shitless. I've never done this before, ever.

Fuck. Fucking scared.

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Subject:	Ireland...
Time:	11:16 pm.

Is so great. Well, sort of. I love my country, naturally, it's where I grew up. But I'm sick of the IRA (Irish Republic Army) destroying my fucking country. They've made Irish people to look like idiot fucks of people, and that makes me mad. Real fucking mad. Those fucks.

Katie and I have been missing each other all fucking week I swear. In fairness, I didn't tell her I was flying back to Ireland on Thursday to have Easter with my Mom, but okay, I forgot. I just forget stupid shit like that. Sorry Katie girl :( Anyway, hopefully I'll catch up with you tomorrow when I get in, I'll sleep on the plane so I can come see you or something like that. I don't fucking know anymore.

I think I'll go eat something before my flight, I have to leave soon to get to the airport. Good old Dublin, what would Ireland be without that city?

I need some better icons, hmm...

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Subject:	Katie...
Time:	12:34 am.
Mood:	contemplative.

She's over right now. I told her I had to go to the bathroom and then snuck on here.

We've been talking most of tonight. I had a bad experience with one of my exes and lets just say I have to buy a fucking new TV now - she threw one of my Mom's vases and it shattered it! That bitch. And she beat the fuck out of me and I couldn't do a fucking thing because I can't hit girls, my Mom raised me better then that. But if she was a guy so help me I would have pounded the fuck out of her.

Luckily, Katies making it all better. She wants me to go with her on the DC set today and watch them film the last episode. I told her I'd go, and that I was hers all this week.

My feelings for her are scaring me. I'm so afraid I'm going to hurt her. I am not the kind of guy for committment at all, so why am I finding that while I still flirt like all hell, and I still love looking at girls and checking them out and wondering whats up their skirt, I only want to kiss Katie?

I don't want to hurt her...I'm afraid then I'll lose her forever.

I think I love her.

By the way, Ali - I liked my view :) So did Scott. Looking forward to more!

I better get back, Katies probably wondering why I'm in the fucking bathroom so long. She's going to spend the night. I can't wait to wake up beside her.

What the fuck is happening to me?

And I can't help but think, how long will it be till I hurt her?

I can't help but think that I only intended her to be a one night stand during filming on the set...and then something else happened, and I started to like her, for who she was, and everything about her.

*sigh* I have to get back...

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Subject:	This chick...
Time:	11:23 pm.
Mood:	pissed off.

This is why I don't get into relationships. Because fucks like this decide to put my damn publicist into fucking overload. I thought we could remain friends, now I know that's fucking impossible.

Two words for you: FUCK YOU!

Katie girl...I'm sorry. I didn't know she was going to do this and I figured you might as well see it here before someone asked you about it...please let me know how you feel about this.

Guess in all fairness Nicole didn't realize I'm dating Katie, not Britney.

( this.fuck... )

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